32 So they brought to the people of Israel a bad report of the land that they had spied out, saying, “The land, through which we have gone to spy it out, is a land that devours its inhabitants, and all the people that we saw in it are of great height. 33 And there we saw the Nephilim (the sons of Anak, who come from the Nephilim), and we seemed to ourselves like grasshoppers, and so we seemed to them.”
So often as someone who grew up in church, and when I say grew up I mean I cut my teeth on church pews, fell asleep under the pews, and had to be careful because people would jump up and start dancing without warning. I spent most of my life going to church. Monday night revival, tuesday night prayer meeting, wednesday night prayer meeting, thursday night bible study, friday night choir practice, saturday off, Sunday ALL DAY CHURCH. I am thankful for many things about growing up this way because of this I heard the word A LOT. At one point I could finish scriptures preachers started before they were done quoting them. I mean I thought I was GOOD. So as I grew I stayed in church always attending services, I can probably count on my hands and feet how many services I have missed in 30yrs of being on the earth. However it wasn’t until recently that I began to have this challenge within my thoughts. Has God ever spoken something in your heart through a dream, vision, song, someone else, scripture (TAKEN IN CONTEXT) lol or a message and your response is “REALLY”.
That’s what happened to me in August of 2013. At the time I was a Student Pastor at a church that was growing, and thriving, and moving forward in reaching the city we lived in. As the student pastor I was in a great place. It was the place I had always dreamed of being. However while at this conference in Alabama at Church of the Highlands, it was the second night and I had this Godly uneasiness, like this feeling of there was more, I have put more inside you, I am calling you to a new journey. I began to tell God all the reasons I could not go, Im not smart enough, I don’t have the right look, I don’t have the education, what will they think of me, how will they receive me, I began to tell God I’m in a great place right now, things are about to explode here in this church, God I am a Student Pastor, I love this generation I love working with teens, and tweens, and young adults. THIS IS MY NITCH. As I was standing there it was like God was saying one thing, but I would have reasons of Why not, and a lot of them were just the way I saw myself. Truth be told I am a lot more critical of myself than I am of others, I can give other people a break but when it comes to me it’s like nope no break for you. I can pray for others and believe God will do it for them, but when it comes to me God won’t do it for me, through me or with me. Ive messed up (A LOT) I have made decisions and choices I can’t take back. I have missed to many opportunities, times I should have pushed I didn’t, times I should not have pushed I did, I mean this is all going through my head in a worship service. I remember the two songs that Pastor Chris sang that night and one of them was “GREAT I AM” from New Life worship. As worship was going on I felt the tension in my heart begin to build, and God was saying, I say this and I would say but I say this, then it Got to the bridge of the song and it says- THE MOUNTAINS SHAKE BEFORE YOU THE DEMONS RUN AND FLEE, AT THE MENTION OF YOUR NAME KING OF MAJESTY, THERE IS NO POWER IN HELL OR ANY WHO CAN STAND BEFORE THE POWER AND THE PRESENCE OF THE GREAT I AM. At that moment the flood gates broke I began to say OK GOD YOU WIN, I will come into agreement with what your saying over me, and through me and to me. I just began to cry, now the funny thing is it had been about two years since I had cried, other than a situation I had happening with my Mother. But it was like this overwhelming peace began to flood my heart and in that moment, it wasn’t a demon in hell, or a mountain that stood before him, It was simply how I saw myself. I felt like the children of israel, WE WERE GRASS HOPPERS IN THEIR EYES AND OUR OWN. But in that moment I realized not even my own precipitation can stand against God. Maybe your in this challenging place where God has spoken something concerning you but you can’t believe it because you have your own perception of you, I challenge you in this moment to take a few minutes and ask? GOD HOW DO YOU SEE ME? What are you saying over my life in this moment? Who can know the thoughts of a man but the spirit of a man, and Who can know the Thoughts of God but the Spirit of God, ask for not just information but revelation that helps change not just the way you think about yourself, but also for revelation that reveals the lies you may be believing about God.
1 Corinthians 2:11 For who knows a person’s thoughts except the spirit of that person, which is in him? So also no one comprehends the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.